Last Night, I had a dream!

Am having a messy day, am having a totally forgettable day and the only way i can immortalise how unfulfilled i feel today is only if i write it down, which in a way, is making today down in history as a day i will never forget but i'd rather forget it, either by waking up and realising i wrote this note in my dream and wake up to find just little bit of memories of how this day has been.

Few days back i saw the movie Inception, remarkable story line, a work of fiction that makes you wonder if you are living your real life here and now and put that together with the acting skills of DiCaprio (who in the end couldn't tell reality from dream) and you will want to see the movie over and over again but my bad day is not from having memories from that movie, my bad day i think is a result of the dream i had before i came to work today. It wasn't even a remarkable dream, me and a few friends were gathered around discussing the future and suddenly it goes dark and we never could see each others face again, i woke up from that thinking "what the f**k, NEPA dey take light inside dream again" but what was more weird was not the fact that i didn't see any of my friends again- afterall they say 20 children can not play for 20 years and so i expect at a point in my life,i'll have to let go some friends and welcome new ones-the weird thing was that light was not restored until i woke up from the dream and it bothers me,it bothers me, it really does bother me and it still bothers me.

Is it possible, for there not to be light in the world for a full day, i mean no sun and no moon and all electric sources of power just refuses to work and not just that, you try your candle, lantern and every other source of lighting up a place and nada, nothing at all, how will it be? how will we be? how will we survive? what will become of us. it bothers me, it bothers me greatly. I have never been dead before, i am sure i have not or maybe i have and like the movie inception, every time i die in one world, i wake up in another. Do you think that is even possible? if it is, loads and loads of us will gladly commit suicide, just to start again, just to have a clean slate, a second chance that many have been craving for.

So it bothers me in my dream that it was dark and i didn't see light again until i woke up,so what? does it justify me even writing about it to start with, why does darkness have such a bad connotation, is darkness really bad? Reading this piece, i know you can tell it is really a messy day for me, i keep asking myself questions that i can not answer and that no one else seems to be able to an answer and yes i know its weird and scary and maybe not at all interesting but it still bothers me.

Ah now i remember, maybe this is why it bothers me. Yesterday, a friend showed me his facebook wall (thank goodness that was not on my wall) of gory sights, of something the government knows about and maybe they are trying to hide, it was a picture and i saw many dead people (maybe that is what darkness means,death,an end), they were roasted alive as i can tell from the picture and it wasn't interesting at all. Being me, i try joking about it so that i can forget what i have seen, i try to rationalise in my mind, telling myself that what i was seeing was a picture from the Biafra era (i don't even think this kind of carnage happened during the Biafra civil war), so many people, young and old roasted alive and this happened some days back, in Jos, not so far away from where i am now. Going home that night after work, the picture was stuck on my mind and maybe the dream is about it, maybe the dream is about the inevitable, what will come on us, as a people, as Nigerians, if we continue to pay lip service to what is happening in our nation now.

Like in the dream, me and my friends were talking about the future and suddenly it was dark, gross darkness, like nothing we have never seen before. That can happen in Nigeria, it can and that bothers me, it bothers me greatly. Young and old, in high places and low places, from every tribe and every religion, go about our day like nothing happened,like nothing is happening, like its normal. We get on social networking site and everything seems okay, we dish out new music everyday, we make jokes and crack ourselves up about our situation, what is the solution? Someone please answer me. when old neighbours, people that have lived together for centuries suddenly pick up weapons and injure one another, doesn't that scare us? what in hell's name could cause that? This is where we should look at ourselves and laugh, we are in the middle of electing people into offices, selecting leaders that will govern us and yet we ignore an issue as important as the life of the citizenry of this country, what is happening? are we blind or are we all deaf? where are the elders, the ones that have caused all the problems(oh i forgot, they are all in polling booth trying to get registered), where are the youths, the supposed future of this country(oh i forgot, they are all preparing to attend the futures award), where are the real Nigerians, people that refuses to defile themselves with the tribal jargon that we carry around, people that will not kill for a God of peace,people that will not make other men their gods and live by what they say, where are the true Nigerians, those few that can stand and make us all hear and listen and pay attention to the plight that we face as a Nation. Perhaps there are no Nigerians alive again, perhaps the country Nigeria died the day we gained independence, perhaps the only True Nigerian was Fela-Anikulao Kuti and the rest of us are just Biafrians, Ooduas, Arewas, Ijaws and the many great tribes that use to be the strength of this great Nation.

Perhaps I am wrong and someone out there  is  doing something to make things right or maybe i am right and no one has a clue, no one is doing anything, perhaps tomorrow will come and the fighting and killing will end,perhaps, but it still bothers me, my dream,it still bothers me.

Me and my friends were in the that dream and it suddenly went dark.

I met this girl who could really see (Unedited)

So i met this girl today that can really see, see further than anybody can, we started chatting and it was interesting because i realized she could even tell me my past,see backward into memories lost,those buried dark secrets, events and happenings we'd rather forget than recall and now she got me writing again,she got me talking again, she got me looking back into that part of me that's almost dead and buried, that part of me that sometimes want to be left undisturbed and never touched, that part of me that will and should make me thick and that's just talking about my past,then there is the issue of my now, today,my present. Just because she is here seems like a fairy tale, my now seems like a present presented to someone living a dream. Have you ever had that feeling, where it seems like you are floating? or the one where it seems like you are not the one living,like you are watching a real life drama of yourself,acting it all out,making things happen? that's exactly what she makes me feel like, like am living in a dream,nothing is ever wrong or rather nothing seems to be wrong even when nothing is right,its magical,i have a feeling if man would ever grow wings and fly,this is what it will feel like, i am flying, really flying. 

And then to the part where i know everyone has a fear for, the fear of tomorrow is what makes a man steal and kill,its the same reason people commit suicide and so am eager to know,i want some of her bliss especially reserved for that time of my future,that uncertain tomorrow,i want it settled now.So we began my quest for tomorrow on her timeline,she-the leader,me-the humble follower oblivious to the fact that what we are seeing really is not my future,it is the future we will have if i follow her but follow her i did at least for the reason that i wanted to know what my future hold and so we started out,woman and man-not yet man and wife or husband and wife as many will call it,slowly we crossed mountains of problems,temptation and despair but because i am in a capsule of bliss,i can't even feel a thing,we raced with wild horses and took a dive in ocean filled with deadly sharks but yet a hair on my head never lost its root, it was the best time of my life, even though am in a limbo, it feels like am Di Caprio living the inception story in full throttle, almost could not tell which is my real life from my unreal one,it was a daze and still is every time i recall the moment,i never want this feeling to end,i want this bliss forever. 

And so we came to a junction,nothing remarkable about it all,it was the plainest i have ever seen in my life, no spectacular feature, nothing at all to make it seem like a dream,it is a junction nonetheless and we must decide, not we, she must decide which way we go.So to keep in line with my role as the follower,i was ready to do the bidding of the leader and let her know i am here for as long as it takes,or it took as the case may be, to me it was a simple decision,as simple as a Yes and a No,if she turns right,i follow in her steps,if she goes left,there i am behind her. So i was all set,ready to go but suddenly the music in her voice ceased,the expression on her face was one of worry, like a mother whose child has just be taken from her, it looked to me like a sane person wearing the appearance insane person, like a mad man putting on tie,looking as corporate as can be,ever seen that? And it was the scariest moment of my life,seeing a win-win situation toppled on its head like that,no man can is built to withstand that. While still searching within myself for the next step of this wonderful journey,she spoke to me for the first time.Yes the first time since we began this journey,it didn't feel strange though,all she has been doing before now was to show me,make me see,make me live, but now she spoke and with the most sonorous voice ever,it was like hearing a harp talk,it's like a grand piano with the voice of lucifer, it was spell casting and of course bounding too so you can imagine how relieved i was,maybe things are not as bad as her expression says,maybe she is just acting,wanting to be sure of my commitment. So a new hope built up within me but it didn't live long because the next words i heard was, 'make your pick',those three words, that number three, words that could have been 'i love you','i want you','i dig you','i claim you',any positive action word that can stand between i and you but that was not to be,what i heard was 'make your pick',plain and simple,like the junction and like the two roads that leads to an end. I was scared, i don't want to on any of the paths alone,i wanted to be with her but it was clear,her words made it clear i had to make a choice, alone.  

At this point, my whole life depended on this junction, the two path that leads out of it, my concerns where plain for her to see, will she go where i go or will she go the other way? This journey that i was enjoying at the beginning was almost developing into a nightmarish tale and deep down in my heart i know i couldn't do anything to change her mind so i did what could be done in the situation, pick one and hope she picks the same,i headed for the left for no reason that i can explain at all,i just got on the trail and started moving,praying deep in my heart for her to follow in my step and restore my bliss,i was waiting for that angelic voice to speak to me again,this time telling me 'i love you' or maybe she is not a talker,anything she says is bound to hurt,so she could just show me,continue to show me and make me fly again but nothing,i waited,i listened for a voice,for a step but i heard nothing, no voice,no footsteps, no new vision and then i realised she choose the right path. 

The right path? why didn't i think of that,why didn't i just go the right path just because that is what it is,the right path as the name implies? but i choose the left path and she left me, not a word, not a step or even a glimpse of my future to spare, i was scared of turning around, i was scared to face the fear of losing her, of really confirming the truth of what i already know,that she is gone so i kept on going, never looking back, sure that my path is set before me, me to the left, she to the right.

So i met a girl that showed me something i would love to have forever,an ability to fly,soar into higher skies, into a new world yet unknown. I met a girl that changed my life with a vision. I met a girl that made me fly. But she choose the right path and i the left. I met a girl today who could really see.